theatre, film & tv past and present 2001-2008 & 2013…
Be afraid, be very afraid. If the US are looking for new weapons, they need look no further than Lisa Riley’s hooters. Forget stealth bombers and daisy cutters – when the military needs real hardware, send these in. Looked at straight on they don’t seem so threatening but sideways on… don’t go there.
It’s not the size – they’re not so big – but the physics behind them. My guess is they’re pewter with a payload of silver bullets – and she sure needs them with Melanie Stace, previous co-presenter of Jim Davidson’s Generation Game, making loving, sisterly comments on the Esther programme: that she didn’t want to see “ugly” people on TV, Lisa Riley being one of them.
Strangely, Melanie, some of us don’t want to see blank-faced, personality-lacking, shop dummies either. Your contribution to Children in Need, a horrific, lack lustre, soulless rendition of ‘Mein Herr’, was nothing but self-serving. Now that is ugly.
But ten out of ten to ‘Nasty’ Nigel Lythgoe – about as nasty as an Easter bunny – and Nicki Chapman, who pulled in a fantastic rendition of ‘Lets Face the Music and Dance’ for Children in Need. This programme can be excruciatingly embarrassing and turn into Smashy and Nicey Charity World quite easily, with celebs doing something very amateurish just to do something. But it’s for charity so we can’t moan, can we? Well, yes we can, as the ones who do go the extra mile and actually entertain, show what can be done to get us phoning in our pledges.
Just what has happened to Gimme Gimme Gimme? The last series was so good they’ve transferred it to BBC 1 but it’s turned into dust before our eyes. Kathy Burke who, lets face it, used to hold the show together, now overacts and has become an unfunny stereotype. James Dreyfus ditto.
Where has the life and energy gone? The scripts are now totally reliant on increasingly coarse, unfunny one-liners. Coarse I can take, filth I can take, innuendo – lay it on me. But lame jokes and overacting to hold up a weak script, I can’t. Okay so Jonathan Harvey – the writer – likes Joe Orton (don’t we all?) but to take an anecdote from Joe Orton’s diaries and use it almost word for word whilst taking all the humour whatsoever out of it is unforgivable. For those interested: page 37, footnote one of The Orton Diaries. Pay homage by doing something Ortonesque, not ruining one of his best known anecdotes. God save me from this lazy writing.
Can we not bring in Simon Cowell, witch-finder general from Pop Idol, to sit in judgement at the BBC script department? You’d think, listening to his comments, that he manages innovative musical pop combos, not teenzine Boyzone and Westlife (tried and hung for murdering ‘Uptown Girl’).
I don’t care, kidnap him, put him in a van and bring him to the table of the BBC and get him to stop all this blandness they push out. The BBC is rapidly turning into Johnny-one-note, everything the same and formulaic to the point of scariness. Have we now entered into Orwell’s 1984, and is the BBC it? Is there one independent voice in the whole organisation? Or do they disappear into a real Room 101 – isn’t it kind of spooky that the BBC has that show…?
When was the last time you saw something on the BBC that made your eyes go wide – and I don’t mean Ainsley Harriott being the worst presenter on TV – that actually made you sit up and think and take your mind further, that made you dwell on what you’d seen for a long time afterwards?
I admit I’m still incredulous that people can watch A Question of Sport without cringing for England. But c’mon, what, if anything, is really making you think and opening up exciting vistas for you on the BBC? IT’S ALL SO BLAND!!! Even the filth is safe, the so-called anarchy is safe (Have I Got News for You).
Nothing jumps out at you any more. It’s corporate branding and everything is in company colours. Safe, bland and boring. The once enlightening BBC documentaries that bought events and situations to us we never knew existed or were ignoring, are no longer being made. Channel 4 has taken up the slack there. There’s a sort of haze, where we think we’re getting what’s happening and what did happen in the world, being shown the ‘facts’, but they’re the facts according to the BBC where everyone tows the company line, and mavericks are clearly not wanted. Worried? I am.
If the blandness of TV gets too much for you, I recommend looking at the questions currently being asked on Ask Jeeves, the well-known internet search engine. (Others are available.) They have a section called ‘What people are asking now’ – it’s better than the telly. The questions change every twenty seconds which just gives you time to read down the line.
I kid you not, these are some of the ones that I saw: “Where can I find the English dictionary Webster’s?” – in a bookshop maybe? Or “Where can I find encyclopaedia articles about the common cold?” Hmm, let me think on that one – how about an encyclopedia?
“How can I sell my used car?” mystified the hell out of me. There’s someone out there with a driving licence who asked that; frightening isn’t it? My favourite was “How can I lose weight?” I can only think some poor sap had exhausted all other avenues and was using Ask Jeeves as some spiritual provider. A really crazy one was “How can I contact Simon Callow?” – oh, that might have been me…
So sad to hear of the death of Charlotte Coleman. Last time I saw her on TV she was terribly thin and ill. Most well-known I suppose for her performance in Four Weddings and a Funeral, which was outstanding, but it was the excellent performance she gave in Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit, that really stands out for me. A repeat is long overdue.
Lynne Harvey © 2001
Originally published on R&V 18-11-01
Food & Wine
~ my everyday life through the lens of my camera ~
Helping Improve Lives
Vintage Inspired Paper Crafts & Digital Design
A journey through life in Southwest France
Historical Fiction with a French Flavour
Living life in the in-between with a slightly visible disability
Writer. Poet. ELearning Instructor & Narrative Designer: Researching Fandom Through Literature, Folklore, Game Studies, Pop Culture & Visual Media.
Daily Reflections from My Home and Garden
The Power of Story
Unlocking the Door to Your Past
Not just a blog, a philosophy
by Jack Monroe, bestselling author of 'A Girl Called Jack'
Realist, writer, reader, reviewer and rocker.
The Real England is a concise, direct, and not-so-gentle window into the depths of the leftovers of the world’s once greatest empire. It is told from the perspective of one lone (or not so lone) long term visitor. It informs one of the dregs of the country and helps to explain quaint British oddities such as the crack addicted chav.
Artists, Writers and Visionaries Blog on the Unique and Ordinary
Collected works and other excuses from a textile obssessive
has random thoughts
Airborne, Seadwellers and Landlubbers Lives
Working with dead people
Writing - Loving What I Do and Doing What I Love!
the darker side to sedge808
Photographs, music and writing about daily life. Contact: email@example.com
Creative Intuitive from New Zealand
Family Saga Fiction by Adrienne Morris
Burgers, Books, Music, Movies, Offbeat Adventures & Pop Culture!
theatre, film & tv past and present 2001-2008 & 2013...
Candid cultural comments from the Isles of Wonder
Horror, Science Fiction, Comic Books and More
Traveling the World Through Others
A trip through life with fingers crossed and eternal optimism.
Art, Literature, Poetry, Politics and a little History
Travel and Wildlife Adventures
Writer & Author
it's all about the story, possums...
Observations of the illusion through the eyes of wonder...
Adventures in Watercolor Painting and Sketching, Watercolour Magazine, with Charlie O'Shields
Poetry, Other Words, and Cats
The Bridge between two countries
A lifestyle blog with a little bit of everything.
A personal exploration of autism from a brother’s perspective, including family relationships, philosophy, neuroscience, mental health history and ethics
Entertainment, travel and lifestyle blog
Founder of the Three Things Method of Storytelling