theatre, film & tv past and present 2001-2008 & 2013…
“I’m a seagull – no, I’m an actress. Yes. Well, it doesn’t matter…he doesn’t believe in theatre. He laughed at my dreams, until finally I stopped believing in them. I lost heart…and there were the anxieties of love and jealousy, and worrying about the baby. I became narrow and trivial. My acting was bad. I didn’t know what to do with my hands. I couldn’t even stand properly on stage, or control my voice. You can’t imagine what it’s like to know you’re acting badly. I’m a seagull…no, that’s not what I mean…Do you remember you shot a seagull once? A man came along, saw a seagull and destroyed it for fun. That’s a subject for a short story. No, that’s not what I mean…what was I saying? My acting. I’m not like that now. I’m a real actress. I enjoy it, I revel in it. I’m intoxicated onstage, and feel beautiful there. Ever since I’ve been home I’ve been walking, walking and thinking, feeling my mind and spirit getting stronger every day. I know now, Kostya, what matters in our work. What matters for a writer or an actor is not fame, glory, or other things I dreamed about, but knowing how to endure – how to bear your cross and have faith. I have faith now, and it’s not so painful anymore. When I think about my calling, I’m not afraid of life.”
Famous speech from Chekhov’s The Seagull, ruined by many actresses, illuminated by some, including Carey Mulligan who was playing Nina in Ian Rickson’s production at the Royal Court Jerwood Theatre Downstairs in 2007.
Originally published on R&V 03-02-07
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